Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pants are for mortals
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
