He uses pillows to masturbate.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
