3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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