sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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