I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i will never coherently bang her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize