Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
