She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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