Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
