jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yo dont text me then not text me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize