So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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