Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
