Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
