Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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