he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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