im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
