did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So apparently I’m into choking now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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