and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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