My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
