highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
