remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
