yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we made out on top of his cat.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
