You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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