something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
