What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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