1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
