If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
