We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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