wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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