It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
