Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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