Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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