My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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