Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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