I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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