Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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