is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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