Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
