We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
