Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
