This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
