My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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