Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
