Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
