Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
