I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize