Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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