So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
