Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
