This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
