i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
