I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
