youre lurking in front of me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
