The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
