if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
