Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
