Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
