just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Enjoy the penises
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
