She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
