In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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