You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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