Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
